You are not the only one who believes that love is outside of yourself. It seems that our society has created the belief that love is something we receive from others, rather than something we have within ourselves.
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It is believed that one is the most lonely number you will ever be. We are taught that more people make us happier and feel more loved. Loneliness and loneliness are bad, according to our culture.
Hollywood and society have taught us how important it can be to find someone who is complete. It’s easy to make more friends, gain more contacts, get married, have children, and not let that love go. Rarely will you hear someone tell you to be alone. We don’t encourage this.
Are we afraid to be alone? It’s possible. It is a primal fear to be left alone, away from our tribe and family. It was likely to have meant certain death in primal times.
Our society is interconnected to the point that even now we depend on each other to complete our work, and others depend on us to complete theirs. Society should not encourage people to live alone. I used to think that I wouldn’t want to be alone, but I was surprised when I found out I could.
Why are we afraid to be alone?
My partner of more than 14 years decided to end the relationship. It was impossible to repair it, and there was no way to escape or change this new life. I had to accept the fact that I would soon be on my own.
At first, I didn’t accept it. All I was taught before was that you should be with other people. It is important to find someone with whom you can share your life. This was the exact opposite of what you wanted.
I was told that I should have at least two children by now. I should also have a home or several houses and a stable career. I’m an adult and should have a predictable life.
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But, I believe that life was asking me for something more. To become stronger and to value myself more. To realize that my life was not about who I lived with but how I wanted it to be.
My sense of security and safety had disappeared and I needed to find what made me happy inside. It was difficult at first, and it took me a lot of time alone to find what I needed.
Why is it that I found solitude so beneficial? You are supposed to be able to distract yourself by going out with friends, talking to others, and doing all sorts of other things that will help you forget about a breakup.
Yes, distractions can help, but only in small doses. I really believe that I was missing the most important thing in my life, my relationships, and my entire journey thus far: love.
Why is Self-Love so Important?
It wasn’t that I didn’t love my partner, and she didn’t love me back. That wasn’t the problem. Problem was that I tried substituting deeper love for myself with love in my relationships, and that is not sustainable.
Now I understand that to heal certain wounds, I needed to be by myself and learn to love myself more deeply than ever before.
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Everything begins with the love that you already have within you.
It’s easy to feel unloved and it shows. You feel trapped. You start to lose confidence in your abilities. You drain others instead of lifting them up.
- This is the time you most need your love. This is the best time to learn more about yourself.
- You can’t help but ask yourself hard questions when you’re forced to be by yourself.
- You will feel emotions and face difficult questions. This is called growth.
The darkest parts of your soul will be revealed and you will have to face them. You will then decide whether to sink or swim, as long as your eyes don’t shut off. Either you embrace yourself, or you can run.
These moments are always possible. It would be easy for us to choose to hide our fears and insecurities by finding another person. We have done it many times and believe they can save us.
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It might work temporarily, but it will not last forever. Another option is to look beneath. What are we afraid of? To love unconditionally ourselves, no matter what?
If you have the chance to be completely alone in any form, I hope that you will take it. You are the person who will be there for you always.
The one from whom the love really comes. This is the you that makes all others possible. It is the you that will never leave you, no matter what you do in a relationship, with family, friends, or in any other type of community.
Because it all begins with you choosing to love me, I hope you do. The more you love yourself, the more you will love everything else. I hope that you will at least begin the journey. It’s impossible to imagine a love that isn’t based on it.